Before the Interviews

I have two interviews set up for this week: one for a position I want and one for a job I don’t.
If history is any guide, then I will do better when I don’t want the job. I wish this were not true, but somehow I shine best when I do not give a damn. There’s something so freeing about sitting down and chatting with someone who’s offering a position of little or no interest to me. We can just be ourselves. There’s no worrying. There’s so little in the way of mental maneuvering, no time wasted on wondering what I’m forgetting to say weighing if I’m making the right points in the right way. None of it matters because I simply do not want the job.
Now interviewing for the sake of interviewing feels like a waste of time—mine and someone else’s—but I used to like the sport of it. Ten years ago, when I was last actively seeking employment, I found myself loving the interview process. Back then, my big problem was that I might actually get a job offer after one of those what-the-hell job interviews. Someone would call and say, “Hey, you interviewed for that position at NASA and now we are offering you the job.” And I would respond, “Good Lord, whatever made you think that I am interested in the space program?” Then I would remember that I had been down to Houston and chatted amiably with someone and suddenly I had a job offer from exactly the wrong place.OK, I’m kidding. But the essential truth remains: When I care, I get self-conscious and there are too many things I want to mention and I sit there and wonder what I’ve forgotten. I come across…cloudy, I think, or at least less clear about what makes me a good fit for a dream job. I guess it’s no big surprise: it’s scarier when there’s actually something at stake.