Why 'The View' Looks Like Charlie Rose Today

It’s the upside to a freelancer’s life: I can spend my lunch hour watching TV.
Today that meant catching the series premiere of “The Talk.” And therein lies the downside.
“The Talk” is CBS’s answer to ABC’s “The View,” which is a semi-addiction of mine. “The Talk” makes “The View” seem like Charlie Rose.
At least that was the case on Day One, during which the women of “The Talk,” none particularly memorable, spent the first-half hour congratulating themselves on having a talk show. Julie Chen, the ostensible and forgettable host with hair that is a triumph of technology, made me feel better about Whoopi Goldberg. Over on CBS, the one from “King of Queens,” Leah Remini, was okay, although she struggled to be the officially sanctioned funny one. Also there: Sharon Osbourne, who I think is also on every other TV show. Among the others: Sara Gilbert, who I loved on “Roseanne,” explaining that she thought up the show after she joined a mom’s support group. It might have been more honest if someone had mentioned that ABC started a similar women’s panel a decade ago.
The first guest on “The Talk” was Christie Brinkley, who somehow managed not to meet my low expectations. The chatter was about Botox. Brinkley left audience members actually looking like they could not follow her alleged thought process. The whole enterprise came off as incredibly loud, almost depressing so. There was a depressing taped sequence about talking to kids about sex, which was more infantile than the children could ever be. If aliens arrived from another planet and watched “The Talk,” they would assume that women are morons.
Over at “The View,” there’s also plenty of silly chatter, but it’s mixed in amid some surprisingly relevant chat about the political state of the union and even changing sexual and workplace mores. I’ve heard recently that Barbara Walters, the powerhouse behind the ABC show, credited the success of the show with having picked the right women. After seeing the CBS version today, well, I think Walters may actually have a point. Take the dumbest “View” co-host and put her on “The Talk” and she would be my favorite.
Over the weekend, there was another, more subtle development in the women’s-talk-show wars. There was a “View” ad in the Sunday Times. In the news section. I think it was a pretty obvious shot at developing a sense of gravitas about a show that has been much-imitated but not always respected. But the best ad for “The View” ever could be “The Talk.” That’s only based on one episode, but a terribly bad one.